he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
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We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
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This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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