i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
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im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
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I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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