we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
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I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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