So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize