My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
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I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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