these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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