I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
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the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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