Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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