If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
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Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I need to sanitize my soul.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
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