Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The struggles of a small town man whore
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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