he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
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Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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