I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
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A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I forget how to act sober
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