This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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