I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
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I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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