That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize