your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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