True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
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I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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