apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
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Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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