My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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