i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize