You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize