Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize