He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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