Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize