For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
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I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
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The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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