god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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