Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I believe in your delicious
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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