You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
This toilet bowl is my home.
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