All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize