Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
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I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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