if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize