You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize