well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
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hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have tasted many bathrooms
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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