Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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