i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize