My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
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I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
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I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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