My liver just broke up with me...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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