I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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