I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize