how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
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She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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