Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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