dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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