My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
there's paper in my vomit.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize