You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
you had me at cake vodka
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Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
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Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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