I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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