Cold hands, warm shart.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We're too hungover to prance.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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