): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize