Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
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I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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