I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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