hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
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the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
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Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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